this will be an ongoing communique of the various homeless denizens I encounter in Honolulu.
Donna Holleback (pronounced like Gwen Stefani's popular ditty) is downright certifiable, and apparently a longtime resident of downtown Waikiki. Shortly after I met her the first time, I explained what happened, and was told "Oh yeah, that's Donna. She comes around a lot."
Upon further investigation, I discovered that she comes around because we USED TO FEED HER. Much like bears or alligators or penguins in the wild, if you feed them, they become less afraid of humans and expect handouts. This eventually necessitates 'putting them down,' which unfortunately is not an option in CRAZY FUCKING DONNA'S case. Anyway, on with the story.
So as always, I'm at work, slaving away over a common coffee grinder. Donna walks in, all 85 pounds of her crazy self; wearing a muumuu and glasses thicker then a Turk's moustache she looks more like a cat lady then a street denizen. She approaches me with focus... Then out comes the crazy.
"HI I'M DONNA" she shouts at me. "DO I KNOW YOU?"
"N..no, I don't think so," I reply. She cocks her head quizzically at me, as if I was speaking Turkish.
"OH OKAY!" Then her voice dies down. "I used to come here all the time, is George here?" Nobody who works here is named George. Nobody who has EVER worked here has been named George.
"No, no George, sorry." And then in walks the assistant manager - who shall remain unnamed, but suffice it to say his name is NOT George, but in fact a VERY HAWAIIAN NAME, let's use Keoni as an appropriate placeholder. Donna freaks out.
"GEORGE! THERE YOU ARE GEORGE!" she shouts, as I turn in disbelief towards Keoni. He shrugs and waves to her, and she walks off, content that she got to speak to 'George.' Turns out she's been calling Keoni George for almost two years, and he stopped trying to correct her about 1 year 11 months ago.
The next morning, bright and early at 5:30am, she's at the door.
CALLING ME GEORGE.
She takes a 2oz sample cup of coffee, complete with 1/2 an ice cube in it (her request), and nurses it for a full hour before standing, praising me for the fantastic coffee ("This is great coffee! It doesn't have any grounds in it or anything!"), and leaves.
The latest time she came in, though, she brought in some artwork she'd made (exhibit right). From the bottom up, it makes seemingly less and less sense. Let's take a critical look.
1) Bricks are nothing special. So far, this could be made by a normal person, crazy person, child, or inmate at your local prison.
2) A train is still well within the realm of normalcy, and I'll even give the fact that it is above the bricks credit. Perspective, perhaps - such as one looking over a fence. Still tame.
3) Planes...? or something. I showed this to others, one swore she saw whales. Maybe upside-down whaleplanes? A secret government project? There ARE an AWFUL-LOT of MILITARY PEOPLE in Hawaii...
4) I gotta tell ya, I have no FUCKING CLUE what that thing is. I've narrowed it down to crazy sideways stoplight or factory, neither of which are visible in Waikiki. And she doesn't seem like the type to get around much... Although this could be another GOVERNMENT THING like the whaleplanes.
5) The upside-down island makes an appearance! Although, when polled, other people saw a sinking boat and a fat guy on a surfboard.
Art by D. Holleback, commentary by J. Pisacano
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Submitted by James on August 14, 2008 - 5:19am.